A Sick Month, Now What?

I laid in bed this morning listening to the birds chirping on the patio adjacent to my room. While they chirped, I reflected on the month of February. It's been a sick month for me. I made roughly $35,000 from gambling alone. Of course, "sick" is a relative term here. There are those who could read that and think to themselves how cute and tiny I seem for thinking that a $35k month is "sick". But I'm guessing there are plenty more people who could read that with their jaw on the floor thinking about how much better their life could be if they had that money.

So I laid here feeling all content with myself. Good job, Cory, you really kicked ass this month. But then I thought of an interesting question: what is the point of it?

That question disturbed me. It still does. I don't know the answer.

Like most gamblers, much of my mentality is focused on building towards a huge payoff. But one thing I've spent little time focusing on is: what exactly do I intend to do with a huge payoff? If I can't answer that, why exactly am I chasing one?

That huge payoff may never come. Or maybe it already has. But regardless, I don't think it's the huge payoff that any of us are chasing. In fact, I don't think we're really "chasing" anything. We like to fool ourselves into thinking we are, but in reality, we're just along for the ride. Why? Because it's damned fun, that's why.

At this point in the ride, when I'm on a proverbial upswing, I feel a certain sense of vision. This could be likened to reaching the high point on a roller coaster; you can see further. And this morning, while I paused to look around, I saw things that I didn't like.

I let my mind face harsh realities that it generally avoids. People are starving. Animals are being mistreated. We've forgotten how to love. Yea yea, "liberal, hippie bullshit," you're saying to yourself. A part of me is saying that too. I suspect it's the part that seeks to protect me from the reality of what we've created for ourselves.

This same part of me will trick me into thinking that I actually matter. That me and my damned $35,000 actually matter. But I don't. People will keep starving. Animals will continue being mistreated. Fear will win many-a-battle over love.

And I can't change that. At least not entirely. Actually, I'm not sure I'd even want to. But I can have a small impact. Or at least I can dupe myself into thinking I can.

So for now, I don't want to be on this ride alone. This month has taught me that, no matter how generous the ride is, there's still a certain sense of emptiness waiting on you if you're riding alone. I want to ride with others and for others. I'll at least try it out for a month to see if it's more satisfying.

For March, 5% of my net earnings will be donated to charity. I could make an entirely different blog entry solely on the topic of "what charity should I donate to?" I don't pretend to know the answer to that question. But then again, I'm not trying to change everything. I'm just trying to change something. Maybe I'll donate it to a place that subsidizes the cost of having your dog spayed or neutered. Or maybe I'll donate it to a charity that feeds people who are hungry. If you've made it this far, don't hesitate to take it one step further and suggest a charity or two for me. I'm pretty clueless about this stuff.

Something Shane Schleger once said on the 2+2 forums that has stuck with me and comes to mind right now seems very appropriate [paraphrasing]: "I don't know about you guys, but I hope to spend or give away all my money before I die."

This is a start.

Final Table

So I made the final table of the Oklahoma State Championships of Poker. Nine of us resume tomorrow at 1:00 pm Central. Unfortunately, I only have 41,000 chips. Blinds will be 2,500/5,000/500. The good news is that the field is absolutely awful. I mean... I feel bad saying that... 'cause what if some of them somehow find this blog and I come off like a huge jackass for saying they suck at poker... but the truth is the truth.

To give you an illustration. I played with Scotty Nguyen for probably four hours at the end of the day. He was short-stacked all day. During 2k/4k, he raised to 11k on the button and folded, leaving himself just 14k, when the big blind shoved.

In another instance during the same level, a short-stack shoved for 13k. The small blind called. I, with a stack of 40k to start the hand, looked down at Ace-Queen in the big blind, so I shoved all-in. The small blind folded. I knocked out the shorty, but not without being berated by the table, Scotty included!!, for not "smooth calling and checking it down to knock out the short stack". Scotty himself flat out told me that the way I played it was a mistake.

It was a truly shocking day of poker. I had no idea that players are so bad.

I mean... one of these two things is true: a.) Scotty Nguyen is flat-out bad at poker or b.) he was chip dumping to his friends for four hours under my nose without me having the slightest clue.

And it's not personal. He was a nice guy who was very friendly with everyone. So if he ever reads this (which I hope he doesn't)... I want to reiterate that he was a pleasure to play with... I was just surprised at all the bonehead plays he made.

Anyway... I'm not done yet.

More illustration about how bad everyone is: We combined to one ten-handed table on the bubble (just nine pay). During 2.5k/5k, Scotty posted his big blind which left him with just 3k behind. I was under the gun, so was pretty helpless in the situation. The rest of the table though? They walked him!!

Thankfully he busted an orbit later.

Ninth pays like $9,500, so even if I bust out first thing tomorrow, I can't be too upset, but hopefully I can get lucky and accumulate a real stack. I like my chances of winning the whole thing if that happens. First is something like $113k. That would be sweeeet.

****

Results: 5th for $22k

I came into the day tied for the shortest stack in the tournament. We went from 9 players to 5 players in only 30 hands. I managed to keep my head above water during that time by making a couple shoves that were never called. An old guy named Fred busted out the 7th place finisher on one hand, and the 6th place finisher on the very next hand. He had over half the chips in play when I shoved 8 bbs with A6o from the cutoff. When he looked at his hand in the big blind and didn't immediately call, I knew I was ahead, so I started trying to persuade him to call. "Think about it, if you make this call and knock me out, you'll be a legend: 'Three-in-a-Row Fred!'"

He smiled a little and eventually got around to calling.

I lost to K9.

To be fair, I was expecting him to turn over something much worse.

A New Base To Leave From

Michael and I just spent all week moving into a townhouse about two miles away from our previous address. For you Houstonions, it's just east of Kirby and just north of Bissonnet on South Boulevard. I had forgotten how overwhelming and exhausting it is to move. I haven't even begun to unpack yet, and I'm not about to have the time either. Tomorrow, we're flying up to Tulsa for the Oklahoma State Championships of Poker. The Main Event ($3,000+$150 buy-in) is on Sunday with the final table scheduled for Monday.

I'm particularly excited for this tournament simply because of its name. I think I'd really enjoy regularly reminding people that I'm the Oklahoma State Champion of Poker for the next year. ;)

I Haven't Seen A Movie In Over Two Months

All two of the avid readers of my blog know that I watch a lot of movies. I believe the last one I saw was Flags of our Fathers, sometime around last Christmas. That was certainly a good movie. Since then, I haven't been able to justify spending the time to go see a movie.

If this were the summer when nothing but Spiderman and Shrek were onscreen, that might be understandable. But December through February are the crème de la crème of blockbuster movies, as studios release their prestigious works in hopes of Oscar consideration. Yet, the hype surrounding Charlie Wilson's War and There Will Be Blood, which would normally be more the sufficient hype to get me to the theatre, has simply not been enough.

Lately, when I'm faced with the chance to see a movie, I evaluate it as too high of an opportunity cost of my time that could otherwise be spent watching The Wire.

Ever since being introduced to it last December, I can't stop watching it. I'm currently halfway through the fifth and final season. I've spent 55 hours wonderful hours of my life watching the show and am nearly current; it first aired in the summer of 2002. In two more episodes, I will have watched what aired for the first time this past Sunday. From there, just three episodes remain. The series finale airs on March 9th.

There is a disparity between my desire to publicize reasons to watch The Wire and my natural persuasive ability. Frankly, I don't particularly gain anything tangible by causing others to watch this show, other than perhaps a "thank you" or two. I suppose I simply feel a need to give back what was given to me: a credible (shit... I hope, anyway) source which says The Wire is the greatest achievement in the history of filmmaking.

To me, The Godfather seems like amatuer hour when compared with The Wire. In a way, I regret the day I started watching this show. It reminds me of the character Professor Lambeau from Good Will Hunting when he tells Matt Damon's character, a math prodigy, that he wishes he had never met him, because at least then he, "could go to sleep at night not knowing there was some[thing] like you out there."

I'm not sure I'll ever be able to truly appreciate movies again. Not unless David Simon gets in the business, anyway.

Hello, Future Self

Before I ever started this blog, I remember Ray Coburn mentioning to me that one of his favorite reasons for keeping a blog is so that someday you can go back and read your old entries. Fittingly, a quote on his blog which I believe is from Donnie Darko says, "If the sky were to suddenly open up, there would be no law, there would be no rule. There would only be you and your memories."

With the spirit of that in mind, here's an entry that probably no one will ever give two shits about other than myself in a year or so.

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I've got about six hours before the first of these kick off. But if you read the last entry, apparently pokering on little sleep isn't exactly my Achilles' heel.

I'm probably going to play something like:

11:45 am: Sunday Warm-Up ($215)
12:00 pm: FTP $75 6-Max
12:00 pm: Bodog $30k ($109)
1:00 pm: FTOPS VII Event #8 - $120 6-Max Knockout
2:30 pm: Stars Hundred Grand ($11)
3:00 pm: Stars $10 Rebuy
3:00 pm: Bodog $100k ($109)
3:30 pm: Sunday Million ($215)
5:00 pm: FTOPS VII Event #9 - $322 $1M Guaranteed
6:00 pm: Cake $100k ($162)

Ideally I'll have 3-4 tables open most of the day, so I might throw in some smallish rebuy events here or there to keep my attention on the monitor. If I decide I still care about catering to my narcissistic tastes in reading, I'll update this post with the day's results when it's over.

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I didn't play exactly what I mentioned, but pretty close.

I finished 530th out of 6,000 in the FTOPS 6-Max Bounty (AQs < T9s ...puke), yet somehow that wasn't an in-the-money finish. They only paid 492.

The only two cashes I had were in the Sunday Warm-Up and the Sunday Million. In the Million, I barely finished ITM and just won pocket change. But in the Warm-Up, I took it pretty deep and finished 23rd (~$2,500). I was chipleader, or close to it for much of the time from 700 players left down to 150ish players left.

With about 30 players left, I think I made a pretty significant mistake. A regular MTTer shoved 9 bbs from the hijack and I folded A9o from the big blind. Truthfully, I had just finished going to the bathroom and was walking back to the couch with the laptop in my hand. I did some quick math that said it was close, but a fold. Afterwards, I realized the shoving range I put him on was way too tight. In actuality, A9o was 50% against the range I should have put him on. The range I did put him on had A9o at 41%. I needed about 42.5% to make the call.

After that fold, I ran completely card and situation dead until finally sticking in five big blinds with a baby ace and losing to pocket fives.

It's hard to complain about finishing that deep in a major online tournament. Hopefully someday I take it a little deeper.

Thanks for reading.

Final Table

Somehow I managed to sleep for just two hours and promptly play the best poker of my life for 14 hours today. The 571 player field is down to 10. I'm second or third in chips with 503,000. Play resumes tomorrow at 4:00 pm Pacific. $47,000 to first. One time!?

I'm too tired to post any significant details, but I can say that there was only one instance the entire day where I was all-in, called, and covered. That was when I had aces up against someone's king-four offsuit, all-in preflop. Aside from that, my tournament life was never on the line. It was a pretty sick day of poker like that.

**********

Results:

4th for $11.5k.

I started the day with 503,000 chips. Never was I above 600,000 or below 400,000 (until I busted obv). To go from 10 players to 4 players, I probably only saw about 30 hands. It was a really quick final table. I only won maybe 3 or 4 hands, all of which I took down preflop by stealing or restealing.

When it was four handed, a good, young player I sat next to a lot throughout the tournament (I believe his name was Josh Woolsey - congrats to him if he took it down - he was heads-up when I left) made it 80k during 15k/30k. With 400k on the button, I looked down at 33. I think you can make a good case for folding that, but I shoved. My thinking was that he had been opening a lot, his image of me was probably that I'm somewhat tightish, and he'd be losing about half his chips to make this call. I figured there are a lot of hands he was raise/folding with (JTo, A8-, 55-, K9... you get the idea). And of the hands he's calling with, there's only 9 of them I dread seeing (66+). Getting in a race for 30 big blinds didn't exactly sound dreadful to me at the time. Whatever... I mailed it in, he wasted little time calling with 66. GG.

I might have folded in that spot if either of the blinds were super short. But they both had me covered. W/e... w/e... w/e.

I'm not complaining.

Can I Take It Down On No Sleep?

I've had one hell of a night.

After watching a favorable outcome in a football game that was not only the best game I've ever seen, but also the most emotionally invested I've ever been in a sporting event in my life, I went out and did some light gambling with Michael and later Dave. By the way, condolences, but props to Dave for having the stones to throw down big time on the Patriots.

Whatever... this is incoherent. I started this post to say that it's now 7:30 am Vegas time, I haven't slept, and I'm playing a $350 tournament at the Venetian which starts at noon.

After I pretend to sleep, I'm going to take that fucker down.