Killing My Inner Fatass

Yesterday evening around 7:00, my roommate, our girlfriends, and I went to Outback Steakhouse. I had a tasty 11 oz. sirloin with garlic mashed potatoes. Tack on a Caesar salad and plenty of their delicious appetizer bread and I left the restaurant stuffed.

Later in the night around 11:30, although still largely full, I decided a late-night run to Jack in the Box sounded like a great idea. A sirloin steak 'n' cheddar ciabatta with a medium order of curly fries later, I was disgustingly full.

Eating way more than my body asks of me has been a fairly common trend for most of my post-adolescent life. I am by no means overweight thanks to a fairly regular exercise regimen. Still, it bothers me that I'd probably look like a typical Houstonian fatass in about six months if I stopped working out but continued to eat as much as I do.

In an effort to "eat to live" rather than "live to eat", I've decided to arrange a negative reinforcement scheme designed to cut down on my late night eating. The rules are: after 10:00 pm, I will permit myself to consume nothing but matzo and protein shakes (made with water). Each time I cave in and defer from this practice, I will donate $50 to Concerned Women for America, a fundamentalist group of pro-life, pro-family, homophobic bigots whose mission is to "protect and promote Biblical values among all citizens - first through prayer, then education, and finally by influencing our society - thereby reversing the decline in moral values in our nation."

I can already feel the pounds shedding off!