Attending An Infomercial Scam Seminar

Last night, Michael saw an infomercial for Better Trades, a con-group that hosts seminars all over the country where they hardsell you into paying $3k for a 2-day seminar where you'll learn all the secrets of how to be a successful options trader. (Note: at the 2-day seminar, it is alleged that they again try to convert you via hardsale into buying a bunch of crap stock software for $6,000).

Anyway, Michael learned of a free seminar in Houston and figured it'd be fun to go listen to their pitch and fuck with them a little. I could write a 1,000-word entry on how sad the experience was, but I’ll keep it brief. A group of roughly 75 hopeful, but gullible Houstonians gathered at an Omni Hotel to listen to the sales pitch from the paid actor Better Trades hired to scam people over. It was pretty depressing to see how willing people were to fall for the bait. The combination of sucking at acquiring money but really wanting a lot of money truly brings out the sorriest in humanity.

When the 2-hour sales pitch was over, Michael and I each approached separate representatives (whose goal was to convert us into coughing up $3k for the 2-day seminar) and played dumb for a while. Albeit mostly founded in a desire to act like jackasses, I actually left with a bit of a warm feeling knowing that, by hogging a representative with questions for 15 minutes, he was unable to coax an unsuspecting attendee into falling for the scam. After listening to the rep’s pitch for a while, I quit with the charade and our conversation ended as such:

Him: So are you ready to sign up for the 2-day program?
Me: Well, no. This is clearly a scam. If your stock advice is so amazing, why are you wasting time talking to me when you should clearly be hoarding it to yourself?
Him: Oh, but you don't understand! I'm a student just like you! My goal is to eventually become as smart as Better Trade's multi-million dollar founder who created this program.
Me: Why would he create this program if he can make millions following the advice himself?
Him: Because he's a generous person. He's like Warren Buffett - someone who also likes to help the novice trader.
Me: No, Warren Buffett is a generous person who donated $30 billion to charity. The founder of Better Trades is a scam-artist, and so are you.
Him: Well if that's how you feel, you should probably leave.
Me: Don't worry pal, I'm going.

That dialogue can't come close to topping Michael's 13-minute encounter with a female representative. Click here for the full audio file of him pretending to be a semi-retarded guy who just inherited $500,000 and wants to make enough money in the stock market to purchase an experimental penis enlargement operation.